Broken wings

"The heart is the strongest muscle." Heard that in a movie recently - The Life Before Her Eyes - the movie I didnt get and it left me bereft, as I see any movie in its entirety no matter how bad and at the end of it I simply must "get it"! But what I did get was the angst of utter despair, the torment of genuine fear...the dread of losing...of losing everything I hold dear...my family, my faith, me!

If the heart truly is the strongest muscle why is it the weakest - the easiest to break? A word, a mere glance, appreciation not shown, love neither revealed nor spoken in words, the breakdown of the super-strength that holds together the mind, body and soul and thus the slow and steady chipping away, bit by bit, piece by piece of this, the raison d'être, of us!

I do believe Bruce Springsteen tried to bring to life this inner core most women keep hidden in his song Secret Garden from the OST of Jerry Mcguire, atleast thats where i broke down the first time I heard it -

She'll let you in her house

If you come knockin' late at night

She'll let you in her mouth

If the words you say are right

If you pay the price

She'll let you deep inside

But there's a secret garden she hides.

She'll let you in her car

To go drivin' round

She'll let you into the parts of herself

That'll bring you down

She'll let you in her heart

If you got a hammer and a vise

But into her secret garden,

don't think twice.

You've gone a million miles

How far'd you get

To that place where you can't remember

And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path

There'll be tenderness in the air

She'll let you come just far enough

So you know she's really there

She'll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden

Where everything you want

Where everything you need

Will always stay

A million miles away.

For a man to get so deeply what a woman is, is scary, for if he did there'd be nothing to hide anymore. There'd be love and peace and understanding and more love. And so I look to God for wisdom and "get" Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy and Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis totally - I understand wholly and absolutely why so many of us escape to such voices on song or characters on screen when we need strength and a way to mend a broken heart.

For those of you blessed enough to not have ever felt self-pity or anguish or utter despair let me borrow a line from Grey's Anatomy and then add my thought to it - "Do you know what its like to not feel yourself?" Not to feel what you want to feel? To stop yourself continually from opening up to reveal and share a feeling thats not meant to be bottled up for one human being isnt strong enough to understand it or rise above it?

To feel your heart breaking - to hear it physically tearing into shreds so tiny you cant repair it alone? And then to feel your brain override the very base and intrinsic need to cry out at the torment, lest you break up further? To want to feel love, physically, for it is the only balm, the elixir, that can mend Broken Wings.